Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A clear-cut case of cause-and-effect

Who needs a championship football game to see super television commercials?

DirecTV recently launched a clever new campaign with a series of 30-second ads that demonstrate beyond a shadow of doubt that subscribing to cable TV will lead to bizarre life altering behavior.

Exhibit A:

Did I see a “Squirrel!” ?? That’s nuts.

So here’s the cause-and-effect logic, magnificently simplified…

Overpay = Anger
Anger = Alone
Alone = Shaggy
Shaggy = Rescuer
Rescuer = Zoo

A house full of stray animals couldn’t possibly end well. Did you see the opossum and raccoon?

Exhibit B:

He’s a pinball wizard, there has to be a twist.

It’s difficult to fathom that a father’s frustration with cable sends a daughter’s life spiraling out of control, but the video is pretty compelling. Let’s break it down:

Cable out = Dad frustrated
Dad frustrated = Daughter imitates
Daughter imitates = Principal expels
Principal expels = Goth boyfriend
Goth boyfriend = Undesirable wedding
Undesirable wedding = Dog-collared grandson

A child with a dog collar? Subscribing to cable leads to multi-generation dysfunctional families. Cable exacts a severe price on the innocent.

Exhibit C:

Cable is the Scourge that drove his life into a ditch.

I’m confident after walking your through the cause-and-effect logic in the first two commercials that you can now connect the dots on your own.

Need you see more?

That’s it. I’m convinced. The correlation is unassailable. Subscribe to cable (cause) and your life goes inexplicably and unexpectedly awry (effect). The only commonsensical course of action is to cut the cable and switch to DirecTV (logic).

You can’t argue with the reasoning. Even Aristotle would be compelled to make the switch.